THE TOP 10 MADONNA SONGS EVER

I’m not the biggest Madonna fan in the world, but I accept her place in our society and appreciate it for what it is. This dude thinks he knows the top 10 Madonna songs, but he’s just wrong. I can live with “Crazy for You,” but is it really one of her best? And “Words”? And “Ray of Light” is her best song? Come on.

The 10 best Madonna songs are:

10. Human Nature. I loved this song until the crackhead who lived below me cranked it full blast on a loop for literally days on end. Which wasn’t as bad as when he left his phone on speaker, off the hook, so at 3AM we’d hear that three-tone beep and then the lovely old lady saying, “If you’d like to make a call, please hang up . . .” If I had to pick another slow song of hers, I’d have to go with her duet with Prince, Love Song.

9. Get Into the Groove. I have nothing snarky to say about this song. It’s just real damn good.

Get Into the Groove-Sonic Youth

8. Papa Don’t Preach. Just because the lyrics are so damn silly.

7. Music. Ali G!

Hella Music-Madonna vs. Gwen

6. Express Yourself.

5. Holiday. This was a close call against Borderline. I liked how in the video she’s so rebel, spraypainting and shit.

Holiday/Who Do You Love?-Jack Johnson

Borderline-Counting Crows

4. Like a Virgin. Any song that pisses of this many people makes the list. Period. Except for Justify My Love. That song pissed people off, but it led to the weakest song on Jay-Z’s Black Album masterpiece, so I’m not putting it on my list.

Bumrush My Love-Public Enemy vs. Madonna

3. Like a Prayer. Because oral sex with Madonna is a religious experience. I just realized that I wrote, “Oral Sex With Madonna.” If that doesn’t drive traffic to my site, I don’t know what will. Oh, wait, I know: “Avril Lavigne Boobies.”

2. Secret. Madonna goes acoustic.

1. Keep It Together. Seriously. This is a really hot tune, with a great party beat.

Madonna’s Pap Smear-Slackers

* I found the original Madonna article at Large Hearted Boy, a truly magnificent blog.