WHAT I’VE LEARNED ABOUT T.V.’S NEW SEASON

Posted: October 8, 2007 by dillion in Uncategorized

It’s been a little over two weeks of the season, and Cavemen isn’t cancelled yet. Amazing! Here’s a few other amazing things:

1. Bionic Woman is just not that good.  It’s not well thought out and it’s not even that cool visually.  There are too many ludicrous plot holes, beginning with her origin: She’s driving with her boyfriend who is also a superspysurgeon and they get totalled by a mack truck–I mean, end over end over end.  She loses an ear, an eye, both legs, and an arm.  Her boyfriend, the driver (in a driver-side collision, no less) just has a few band-aids and a headache.  And within hours, he’s performing major surgery.  And then he dies at the end anyway!  If they were gonna kill the boyfriend, why not have him die in the crash?  Was it worth all that nonsense just to make the stupid allegory about men trying to make their girlfriends better through enhancement?  Seems they could have accomplished that without such a ridiculous origin.  Next ep, the file-in-the-floorboards that she discovers simply by stepping on the loose flooring (great spy work!) is equally dumb.  And then way they fix her $10 million ear like I used to fix my old TV set—by slapping her head.  I’ll keep watching because I like Starbuck, but the show is stupid and won’t last.  They should have thought it through: It’s science fiction, guys, not fantasy.

2. Survivor has absolutely nothing new to offer.  And I still love it.

3. Seinfeld isn’t as funny as he thinks he is.  Or as important.  Or as young as he used to be.  Worst.  30 Rock.  Ever.

4.  There is absolutely no reason I should like the insipid and girlie Pushing Daisies.  But I think I do.  Maybe because it reminds me of Wonderfalls, one of the greatest shows ever to not last a full season.
5.  Kelsey and Patricia are funny.

And that irritates me.  I want so much for them to fail, and I can’t even explain why.

6.  Kid Nation: Sometimes, when there are state laws barring certain acts as exploitive, the law is correct and should be obeyed, not skirted.

7. Big Bang Theory: To paraphrase what David Lee Roth said about Elvis Costello: Critics like shows about geeks because critics look like geeks. Not because the shows are good.

8. My Verizon FIOS DVR is confused by shows that start at midnight and are broadcast by the BBC.  Also, it refuses to record Cane. Which is just as well, because I don’t have the time to watch it anyway.  Anybody out there actually like the new FIOS DVR software?  It’s a fucking abomination clearly designed by people who never use a DVR.  If there wasn’t a big goddamn tree near my house, I’d be on Direct TV so fast it would make Verizon’s head spin.

9.  Midnight isn’t a rip off of Angel. To say that would be to insult Angel.

10. Smallville gets better every year. Other than the Simpsons years 2-5, I can’t think of any other show that has been able to this. Or to do it with such dramatic improvements. This year’s opener was the best hour that show has ever had.

11. Dirty Sexy Money: Sometimes a bad title means a bad show. If I want to see Paris Hilton, I’ll watch E! Network.

12.  Prison Break is the perfect B-movie.  Nothing but scowls, stereotypes, dropped plotlines, and ridiculous turns of events.  Why doesn’t the CIA just bust the guy out of jail themselves?  If the FBI guy is so tough, why does he keep getting beat up?  Who cares!

13.  Heroes has jumped the shark.  I’m pretty sure of that.

13. Top Ten Shows this season:

– The Sarah Silverman Show.

– Back to You.

– Survivor.

– K-Ville (it has potential, but they need to let the two stars spread out and act more–make it more of a story about cops rebuilding their lives in a city rebuilding itself).

– Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Still great.

– Smallville.

– House.

– Reaper.

– Life.  (I’m not sure I like the subplot about who really locked him up, but I love the whole zen mystery–is he merely intuitive or is he in touch with some kind of higher consciousness?)

– It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.  Hated this show last season, but it’s improved dramatically to the point of being laugh-out-loud funny.

Comments
  1. Rog says:

    What Seinfeld up to now? Loved his eponomously titled sitcom, but he’s not been on UK screens since.

  2. ekko says:

    I don’t have HBO. Wish I did. I’d drop HBO, but The Wire is coming soon, and I NEED that.

    Seinfeld was on 30 Rock and is in The Bee Movie, coming soon.

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